Dad was a best friend all my life. He loved me unconditionally, he was always there for me and for his grandchildren Will & Alex; and in fact for anyone who needed him. The messages I have received these past several days comfort me, that others saw him as ‘kind’, ‘a gentleman’, ‘funny’, ‘the grandpa they never had’ ‘the coolest uncle’, hearing these messages brought cheer to my heart at this difficult time, I hope dad can hear the wonderful things we all think of him!
Born in 1943, (a war baby) the youngest child of my wonderful grandma Edie, dad had a brother Ken and a sister Audrey. Audrey moved to the USA after WWII and settled there with her 5 children, we have been so lucky to have spent many happy summers with our cousins in Georgia, South Carolina & Florida over the years. They all hold us in their hearts today and miss dad greatly as we do.
Dad’s childhood days sounded ‘interesting’! Uncle Ken recalls when dad was 8 or 9, Ken was playing in a local building site with his friend (childhood fun 50’s style!). Dad went to investigate what the big boys were up to and they threw a 3-gallon tin of paint towards him, it burst open and covered poor dad from head to foot in canary yellow paint. Grandma Edie was not happy, poor dad had to be scrubbed for days with paraffin, Uncle Ken says he got a ‘good hiding’ from grandma! Another source of fun for dad back then was looking for money in the drains, dad used to lift the manhole covers to look for dropped coins, once Uncle Ken dropped a heavy cover on dad’s foot…. Being the younger brother seemed risky back then!
Two of dad’s friends George and Ron are with us today, they met dad when they were all about 16. They were Mods and loved to ride their scooters and generally look very cool! Dad also had a 1940’s Hillman which only had a handbrake, they’d attempt to drive it to Cornwall, at one point when supposed to be going up a hil,l Ron’s brakeman skills failed and they all rolled back down, smashing a fence and turning the car around. Dad was apparently always up for a laugh, this cheeky sense of humour continued within your grandad role when I’m not sure who had the most fun playing all the games, dad or the kids?!
Dad could also be a quiet and reflective man, he had an inner spirituality and was very fond of the Buddhist principles of life, believing in kindness, calmness, learning life lessons and striving for good karma. He also had many interests and over the years I managed to rope him in many things not least horse riding, tank driving, rollercoaster riding, long road trips in the US, France and the UK.
Dad’s great passion was music, I grew up listening to him play guitar and his beloved Fender Stratocaster now lives with us and I am resolved to learn to play it! I knew Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Man of the World’ from a young age as dad used to love practicing this and tuning his acoustic guitar to it. I also recall listening to him rehearsing with his friends in their band and them rocking out ‘Back in the USSR’! Uncle Ken used to play the harmonica as dad played guitar.
Dad also loved Chelsea Football Club, I now have a bagful’s of programmes going back to the 50’s!. Dad was also a nomad at heart, he would liked to have travelled more, when this became more difficult he would read National Geographic magazine, watch Attenborough and dream of far-flung places. Dad loved the USA and also Italy and Greece were favourites. He visited Africa and Borneo – to see the orangutangs in the wild. Dad loved the natural world. I am sure dad inspired some of this love for the planet and its creatures in his grandchildren. Dad always wanted to visit the Galapagos Islands, I will take this journey for him in the coming years. Dad also loved the beach, this is another tradition I am pleased to help maintain in his name!
When I was growing up, dad was always there. My parents were not together from when I was about 10, however, they remained good friends, which I am thankful for. Dad was absolutely determined that he would still be very present for me as I grew up. He was working but pretty much every day at 3pm he would be waiting in his car for me at school – just to take me home, about a 5 minute car journey. He made all this effort for 5 minutes a day with me! Every Thursday we’d go after school for a McDonald’s or similar, just to hang out for longer and chat.
I was also with him regularly at weekends and some weekday evenings. We were best buddies! I was mad about horses, we’d buy Horse & Hound magazine on a Thursday, look at where the weekend shows were, pick one and drive and spend the day there. We travelled a lot of the UK doing this and walked a lot of cross-country courses! It was so much fun. Dad also had a keen interest in military history and we used to go each year to the Royal Tournament, we went to many military museums and air shows. I got to repay the favour in more recent years, taking dad over to France a couple of times to the war museums there and most recently to the Somme with Will & Alex.
What I really hope to have shared is just a small insight into how wonderful dad was and how lucky I am to have had him by my side for 48 years. I have so many memories to treasure, I only wish there had been more years to do lovely things for and with dad.
I also wanted you to know that my dad was so brave! Dad had dementia and Alzheimers, he never once complained. Of course, I am sure he was frightened of what lay ahead for him, but he was always full of grace, love and kindness for all of us, he was stoic, dignified and loving to the very end. Dad was a beautiful soul and he shines on. Even as he was exhausted, he knew I was there and he tried to comfort me. I laid alongside him with my head on his pillow and hugged him, he reached up to me and put his hand over my arm and squeezed. That is the man he was and he was that man until the end. It was my privilege to help dad in the final months of his life, it was an honour to care for my dad just as he had cared for me for so many years. I only wish we’d had more time.